The journey of a nurse is often marked by profound moments of human connection. Recently Alexander, a Providence Emergency Department RN, shared on LinkedIn about the experience of losing his first patient, a milestone that, despite prior encounters with death, carries an immense and unique weight. We are sharing his story below, not only as a testament to the resilience and dedication of those in the nursing field but also a gentle reminder of the importance of cherishing every moment with our loved ones and supporting our colleagues in this demanding profession.

I lost my first patient today. Although I have witnessed death in healthcare— twice as a student and once as a participant in a code—it felt different this time. It’s heavy, like it will take time to sort this feeling into the bin that it belongs. The management of septic shock is something we learn in nursing school, but watching a wife lose their husband of 67 years is not. It’s tremendous. As I sit down on my couch, with the adrenaline worn off, the feeling looms. It was a hard-fought shift.

One thought that has kept me moving in the right direction today is some wisdom my grandmother, also a nurse, gave me when I got accepted to school. Whenever she would go into a room, she would say to herself, “I love you and I will take care of you today in the best way I can.” She also said that nursing is some part science, some part faith, and some part a hand to hold when both of those other two parts start to falter.

From my perspective, today could be considered a win. As this patient decompensated into septic shock, despite our furious effort to titrate pressors, fluids and oxygen… the writing was on the wall. I let the son know it would be a good time to get family to the bedside. Within minutes, he was surrounded by loved ones.

In the final moments, he opened his eyes briefly. He looked around at his wife and kids. It was an honest to God miracle. Until that moment, I was sure his wife would spend the rest of her life in agony believing that her husband hadn’t heard her say goodbye. It was such an incredible thing to watch.

Throughout the rest of the shift, an influx of nurses and doctors asked me if I was okay. Honestly, I am. It is a feeling of privilege to be in the position that I am to care for our community. Even when it’s an emotional blender.

I learned today that no effort is wasted, and what the family leaves with is how you made them feel.

This is a reminder to check on your loved ones, because time isn’t promised. If you work in healthcare, check on your coworkers, because this story and these feelings are omnipresent.

If you have a hard day and feel covered in tough thoughts, reach out… I will be there for you.

We’re so thankful for Alexander’s words and his commitment to serving patients and their families with grace and compassion.